#18 A blog by any other name...

It's a question I've been asking myself since I started dribbling on this page.

What exactly is a blog??

I don't mean in the technical sense - although to be honest I don't know that either; heard it once, didn't care to remember - I'm talking about as a writing style. What is it?

Before starting this blog I had little reading experience of them. The only one I had read was the fantastic reasonsyouwillhateme.com, by the brilliant Marieke Hardy - yes her of Triple J fame. Since starting this I have also read parts of Ricky Gervais' hilarious blog entries. This lack of knowing what to write led, does lead, to problems. Is every post expected to be humorous? Is their leeway for insight, interesting-if-not-particularly-amusing experiences? Would a shopping list suffice as a post? Does anyone really give a shit what I think, say or do? (don't answer that one)

This problem has caused a sort of self editing I'm not entirely happy with. I have several perfectly good posts I won't put up for fear they don't fit in with the sites overall theme.

Fuck it.

To be or not to be, that is the question: Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of troubles and by opposing, end them.

You'll get what you're given.

#17 A letter to The Mercury I wouldn't expect to see published.*

The following is taken from a thread to an artice in The Mercury. Had to post it in parts there as it was too long. Enjoy.

------------------------------------------------------------------

The subject of swearing (coarse language) and its place in society has always been of interest to me. From reading this thread it appears it is of interest to others also. I will, however, bite my tongue and not comment on previous posts; commenting on the article is my purpose here. I admit, the rare times I find myself reading a Barnes article, he is usually at the other end of the playing field to myself. That's fine, each to their own and all that.

Not today.

I love swearing. I fucking love it. It can emphasize a point, ram it home; diffuse a situation, cause a giggle; create comfort, cause threat, break ice.

I believe it is unique in our language, which in turn is the most prolific of all, in that it can be substituted into and or enhance nearly any sentence available in it. If you haven't dropped one into greeting a friend, then you simply have not lived.

I understand Barnes has stopped short of flat out appreciation of the words, but his article is well pointed. The underlying fascination I have had with the subject has always stemmed from a similar standpoint.

Why do people give these words so much power? Our society is built on language, sure, but in essence each word is surely equal to the other. They are building blocks; allowing us to emote feelings, thoughts, desires. It is strange to me to think certain words should be considered vulgar, beneath us as a society. Where would such an idea come from, a hangover from the class structure, perhaps?

It’s a catch 22, I understand that much. Take this power away, and they may very well lose what I love about them. Perhaps it’s better for me they keep on truckin’. Perhaps.

Its supposed vulgarity has been an easy out for many a public figure; take the moral high ground on the subject and you're sure to have someone mention it somewhere, this very article attests to that. I'm naive, yes; my lovely friends (the shits, cunts, and fucks of the world) will perhaps forever be outcasts, or at the very least treated with some form of disdain.

And that, people, is a fucking shame.

----------------------------------------------------------

* But there is always hope.

#16 Unusual conversation with an Australian Hostel Worker in Scotland.

Him (While putting doonas in their covers): So, how long you over for?

Me: Three months.

Him: That all?

Me: Yeah, was gonna stay longer, but you’ve got to give your DNA and stuff now to get a VISA.

Him: Geez.

Me: Yeah, didn’t think it was worth it in the end.

Him: Don’t want to give them your DNA, hey. What have you been doing?

Me (Laughing): Yeah, It’s more what I might do later.

Him: I’m heading back in October, then off to Ireland. (Pausing in thought) I wonder if they need all that stuff over there.

Me: Not sure, I only checked for the UK. Why, what have you been up to?

Him: Nah, that stuff was when I was a kid, couldn’t get me for that.

Me: .......

Him: Besides, my mates got done for it, so I doubt they’re even looking.

Me: .......cool.

#15 Sights to behold.

Well that sounds alright! Any prison that's prepared to treat cum with the respect it deserves is alright by me.



Communal cum room is a bit of a worry.



Isn't that just a fancy way of saying showers?


HOW SMALL IS THAT FUCKING HORSE!!!!!!

Now this one had me totally confused.

Is the rider a head mental?

Are they allowed to ride a horse?

Is it wrong of me to ask that?

Then, my brother came to the rescue.

We can't see his legs.

His mother's too drunk to look after him. Happy now?

#14 A memory...

Was walking by some freshly cut grass today. It is one of natures greatest smells. I think I like it so much because it reminds me of my old man mowing the back yard in his short shorts...

Ahh to be a kid again, folks.

#13 Can dinner be breakfast?

First night in I thought it proper of me to eat the local dish for dinner. This being Scotland that is, of course, Haggis.

Fuck me, that stuff is rich!

For those not in the know, which I'm happy to say I was until after I ate the stuff, It's prepared in the following time honoured tradition.

Take all the shit of a sheep that you wouldn't normally give to your dogs, chuck it into the same sheep's' stomach, of all places, and stew the fucker up.

When It was sat in front of me It didn't look too bad. It's served with potato and turnip, and gives off a Shepherds Pie vibe...


This stuff is Shepherds pie on Ice.


The old lady who served me(she also cooked it, this place was small. 10 bodies would have it packed to the door)seemed to hover while I ate. At one stage I thought I wouldn't be able to finish, and she politely bent down and asked, through a smile.

'Had enough, or just resting on your laurels?'

Well fuck you, polite old lady. I'm not done!


Just to spite her I finished it off...


That fucker repeated on me all night, and I could still taste it after I woke up, and had chewed gum. For a brief panicked moment I thought I may taste it forever...

Proud to say I made it through, but have stuck to things I've known off menu's since.
I'm a learning, People.

#12 HELLO EDINBURGH!

I know, it's been a while, but this is honestly the first chance I've had to touch a computer on a week. Sue me.

Arrived into Edinburgh on a lovely Wednesday evening. First people I met?
The hostel was run by a Kiwi, the bar staff that night were two Aussies, and a Sudanese dude. The two handymen were Australians, and the tour guide was a Yank!

My Edinburgh, aren't you cosmopolitan!

Begs the question: Where the fuck are all the Scots??